Food for Thought
Written by Gavin Finney   
Sunday, 08 June 2008 04:54
Sniffing the TouchlineWith the European Championships now finally upon us, the time for stark re-evaluation of the realities of our national side is nigh. But how many of you out there are willing to bet that within about half an hour of the first game in the competition, the commentators will already be speculating how England would be faring, how England “deserve” to be there instead of certain teams, and how without doubt, the tournament as a whole is truly lacking without us. Ask virtually anyone outside of this blinkered isle however and the response will be quite different; it will be one of satisfaction at the very least, and outright jubilation in some corners. But why must this be the stance of our so-called experts? Surely now, if never before, should be the time for the pundits and commentators to tell some harsh home truths? There can be no excuses; this was a long group-based procedure and we were not “unlucky” in any way. The players too should be ashamed of themselves, but instead they’re off sunning themselves in Dubai or trying to impregnate Chanelle Hayes behind Movida. I’m sure if they were really pressed to defend their performances it would always come down to a bad decision here or there, or just offering someone up as a scapegoat; namely Steve McClaren.

For so many reasons though the rest of Europe hate our involvement in these international showpieces. On a pure football level, non-qualification is an amusing middle finger back at everyone over here who insists on banging on time and time again about how football in this country is better than anywhere else in the world. That might well be the case, but the Englishmen have virtually nothing to do with it; even 3 teams in the last 4 in the Champions league says very little other than there’s more money in the game in this country overall than anywhere else. Check Sepp Blatter’s comments this week for confirmation that even the unobservant FIFA big cheese has noticed: “In the strong Premier League teams the best players are not always English. These teams are preparing national players for England’s opponents. The Premier League has benefited the other countries taking part in the European Championships but not England.” Yet still the arrogance continues, perpetuated by the media. The bare fact is this: since Paul Gascoigne, we have produced just one truly unique world-class talent, and that is Wayne Rooney. The lack of interest from abroad for homegrown players testifies to that, with even David Beckham’s move to Real Madrid clearly motivated more by marketing potential than it was a genuine desire for him to play week in, week out.

Outside of this there are an enormous amount of fringe benefits for the other supporters traveling to, as well as hosting, the current tournament. Anyone who’s been abroad to a predominantly English holiday resort can recall for themselves the general level of behaviour on display. Add football into the mix and you’re left with stabbings, destruction of property, theft, vomit, fighting etc etc. Sure other country’s fans will do this too, but without doubt we are still the ones with the worst reputation. When do you ever hear of other fans engaging in the extremities of setting fire to other nationalities’ flags, or essentially petrol-bombing cafes? It is testament to this reputation that in a recent story run by several newspapers over here, South African prostitutes are apparently already preparing themselves for World Cup 2010 in the hope that England will qualify and their business we see a dramatic increase. Unless there is a quite endemic problem, how else would 16-year-old street walkers thousands of miles away hear about the way English football fans conduct themselves abroad.

So what’s the point of all this other than to pull a few pretty random negative strands about England together? Well I guess ultimately it’s just a call to action maybe for supporters in this country to be realistic at the end of the day; about our behaviour, about other peoples’ perception of us, and also about the actual state of our international football. Recent pointless friendlies against uninterested teams do nothing but make a mockery of our once impressive pedigree, but if this is what it takes for Fabio Capello to ensure that come September and the first World Cup qualifier against Andorra, we literally blow them off the park like the minnows they supposedly are, then so be it. I hope for both our sake and also those poor South African prostitutes that it all comes together, and that the England we see in two years time is an unrecognizable side to that which is currently limping pathetically further and further away from 1966.


This article comes to us courtesy of Gavin Finney, a regular contributor to Albion Road and editor of Sniffing the Touchline, a blog examining the utterly absurd side of the football game.