Mousing About - Tevez, Neville, Topo Gigio

For more than a decade everyone except the most blinkered Manchester United fan has known than Gary Neville is a complete cock. Until recently though you couldn’t really say that much because he had won countless trophies and innumerable England caps. Now however, ravaged by age and injury, he is not only a cock, but also a really slow, rubbish footballer.

Which is why I’m sure I’m not alone in taking great pleasure from this week’s events at the City of Manchester stadium, where former United player Carlos Tevez demolished his previous employers, singling out Mr Neville for particular goading. After scoring from the penalty spot to put City 2 – 1 ahead, Tevez gestured for Neville to keep his mouth shut after the United bench-warmer had claimed in the press that he wasn’t worth the £25 million City had paid for him. Neville, who was trotting up and down the touchline desperately praying he could grow proper facial hair, responded by giving Tevez the finger, and could rightly face an FA charge for bringing the game into disrepute.

Today though, Tevez defended his actions and said that he was justified in taunting Neville, continuing that he will only feel he properly has his revenge over United if City can make the Carling Cup final at their expense.

"I never suffered a problem at United and I don't understand what was said in the papers and the gesture," said Tevez. "My celebration always creates talk but I never want to provoke anyone. I dedicate my joy and success to the City fans - never against the United fans. They attacked me during the Premier League match at Old Trafford earlier this season but, for me, that's forgotten.

"For me, the matches with United are not vindication because I have already demonstrated at United that I'm a professional and good player. I'm not worried about the reception at Old Trafford for the next game. I played in the Premier League game and that will only inspire me to do well in the second leg. I enjoyed my best moment for City and I'm desperate to play and be successful in the return."

Carlito also revealed that his ear-cupping celebration for the winner on Tuesday night was not a further dig at United, but was instead inspired by a cult South American TV children's puppet called Topo Gigio; a mouse with huge ears. Given that the celebration was performed right in front of the United bench, it was understood to be a message to Alex Ferguson for refusing to pay Tevez's advisers their asking price to sign him permanently.

Tevez confirmed though: "The gesture Topo Gigio is not mine 100 per cent. I copied the action of my Argentina team-mate Juan Roman Riquelme and it wasn't done to create controversy.”

Oh ok I understand…so just like Emmaunel Adebayor’s baiting celebration against Arsenal earlier this season was inspired by famous Togolese cartoon goat Fucki-you-gooners…